Secret
by illutia mist
Summary: It was just between me and myself.


**This is a standalone one-shot. Don't try to connect it to my other stories, or you'll get confused :P**

**This story takes place three years after the going on battle in the current chapter (around chapter 150). Now you know how old this story is when you come to reread it in the far, far future, hence the unrelated explanations and events. I mean, this might not even happen in the real manga. Lol.**

**Using "senior" instead of "senpai" is a bit strange. If you have any suggestion to replace the word "senpai", please let me know.**

**Warning: Mild implication of boyxboy. Really, really mild. But I warned you nonetheless.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice and its characters. I do own the plot.**

**-o-O-o-**

**Secret**

**-o-O-o-**

Some things never changed over the years.

No matter how many nights and days had passed. No matter how many seasons came and went. No matter how fast the circumstances around us moved. No matter how many events befell upon us. No matter how old we got.

There were things that stayed the same through those moments.

"Luca, have you seen Natsume?"

Sakura was restless today. She had been asking me the same questions three times before; in the morning right before the class started, at lunchtime and after the last period ended (in which we had to head to our respective ability classes). This was the fourth, while we were on our way to the dormitory.

I shook my head. "No. I haven't."

"Oh," she sighed dejectedly. Upset was clearly shown on her face.

It wasn't like I didn't know what had caused the disappointed expression to be there in the first place. Everyone in the Alice Academy was aware of it.

Three years ago, after the Elementary School Principal's attempt to get Sakura to his side failed and the war between him and the whole academy ensued, the man had escaped the Alice Academy in the middle of the chaos, leaving half of his men behind to fight his battle. The winner, of course, was the good side, the academy side. But that outcome wasn't enough to ensure their safety.

Some assumed he was hiding to recover his strength, gathering more men before he came back, either to try to get his hands on the nullifier again or to have his revenge on the academy. Having this presumption, the academy established a secret force to investigate Kuonji's position and movement. The force was then split into five small groups.

This was the beginning.

Natsume volunteered to be included in one of the groups. He even insisted.

The High School Principal declined his request. Sakura begged him not to. Others suggested him to just stay back and leave everything to them.

I said nothing.

It was useless anyway. Natsume wouldn't back off. He was too obstinate to do it.

The High School Principal finally gave up after a long, silent staring contest. He let Natsume to get involved in the investigation, but on a few conditions. He made Natsume promise not to get in direct contact with Kuonji, not to use his fire alice unless the situation was beyond controllable, and to have at least a partner wherever he went. And lastly, Natsume would be able to join the force after the Alice Hospital stated he was in good and stable condition to do the mission.

Natsume accepted those terms, and hence no one had any say in the matter anymore. Later, after two months of total resting, he set off with senior Ando's team. He didn't seem happy to be in the same group with the man and, moreover, under the shadow alice user's command. But he eventually cooperated with the fact and focused more on the mission without any complaint.

People didn't know why he was so pertinacious about it, or why he dared to stake his life on things he didn't need to do. He could use the chance to take a rest, to heal himself after the long, tiring battle, rather than go to the front line and endanger himself for something that wouldn't give him any advantage.

However, as the days progressed, as years passed by, while some people were still oblivious to the reason behind his decision, I learned bit by bit that he actually had a strong, though ridiculous, motive to do so.

Even after all this time, Natsume's protective and sacrificial side always stayed on guard. His insecurity never really went away with Kuonji's absence in the academy. All those years of threats and struggles had made him not to easily believe things would be fine, unless he stepped in or took a part in the whole plan himself.

Those dark moments when we were in the elementary were what had shaped the current Natsume. Even more reason for him to do so now Sakura was involved.

Natsume just wanted to make sure she was safe, that Kuonji would never be able to lay his hands on the girl anymore. He might even kill the man if he was permitted to do so; anything just to make sure the threat was gone from the earth.

"It has been two weeks."

I peered at the brunette beside me. She had her gaze on the pavement, her shoulders slumping down in a dispirited manner. The cheerfulness she often wore had gone to nowhere.

This lack of mirth was enough for someone to notice she was troubled. Her whole being already screamed her worry out to the world.

"He's already gone for two weeks and no one could tell me whether he's doing fine or not. Uncle also hasn't gotten in contact with senior Tsubasa for a while now," Sakura murmured while fiddling with her fingers restlessly.

"Natsume told you he would be fine before he went with senior Ando, didn't he?"

"Yes, but—"

"Then believe in him," I said. "He will come back, safe and sound."

Sakura lifted her head slowly and looked at me, her eyes already glistening with tears which threatened to fall anytime.

I smiled to reassure her. "He will come back before you know it."

"…Yeah." She brought one hand to her face and hastily wiped the unshed tears away. After a loud unladylike snort, she had her head up and her usual smile was back on her features. "You're right, Luca. We have to believe in him."

I nodded in approval.

After that, the conversation between us was lighter, whether it was about the funny events she encountered today, the pile of homework Jinno had dumped on her, or the plan to go to Central Town in the near future that she made with Koko and others. We didn't mention Natsume anymore, but I noticed how her voice turned a bit gloomy whenever she said 'others'.

She must have wanted to go with Natsume.

I tried my best to divert her thoughts by changing to another topic, about Piyo, Bear, Eagle, Hamster, Usagi, and other things unrelated to his name. It was lame, I knew, but I couldn't think of anything again.

I wasn't Imai who could create many amusing inventions and shoot the brunette with the famous Idiot Gun. I wasn't Koko who could read other's mind and make fun of it. I wasn't Shoda who could slap Sakura's back and scold her for being so pessimistic. I wasn't Tobita who could use his Illusion alice to make up things to take her mind off of Natsume.

I was only Luca Nogi, a boy who had Animal Pheromone alice. Nothing more.

"I wonder…" Sakura mused once we arrived in front of her room. Her big brown eyes gazed at me gently and a small smile played on her lips. "I wonder how you can stay so strong through this all, Luca."

I blinked. Her statement caught me off guard.

"I mean…" She scratched her cheek sheepishly and then continued, "You look so calm and trustful, Luca. How do you do that?"

"Ah…" I smiled and patted her head. "I just believe in him. That's all."

This time, it was her turn to blink at me.

"That's why, you also should have faith in him." I was aware that I was just repeating myself, but it was the only encouragement I could offer her.

Thankfully, Sakura smiled back. I couldn't tell whether she was convinced by my words, but her eyes seemed trusting enough. "Yes. Thank you, Luca," she said before going inside her room.

I stood in front of her door for a few moments after that, contemplating on what I had just said.

And realized how fake and deceitful they sounded.

I looked down at my left hand, which never moved from its place the whole time I and Sakura walked back to the dormitory. It curled into a fist at my side, tight and still that I could feel it was getting stiff. Slowly, I uncurled it and sensed the blood rushing toward the tips of my fingers. On my palm were four crescent marks imprinted deep into the skin, two of them stained by blood.

Sakura was wrong.

I was never calm.

I was as hell worried about Natsume.

The composed appearance was just something I learned over the years to prevent people from finding out he was going on a dangerous mission, to obscure the hidden dark side of the academy. Every time he wore that black cat mask, I fooled myself into believing he would always be back, safe and well, because I wanted to avoid a particular grim fact, that he might not return one day, no matter how much he wanted to.

The faint sobs from the other side of the door answered my previous doubt about Sakura, and at the same time also told me of the same concern we had been sharing.

It seemed no beautiful words or encouragement could erase the truth that Natsume hadn't been back yet, and there was no guarantee that he would be still breathing even if he did come back.

However, there was really nothing we could do, but to believe and pray.

I decided to leave Sakura to her own sorrow and treaded the path to my own room. There was too much negative atmosphere lingering in the air, too much depressing thoughts I had to handle. It wouldn't be long until I could convince myself no more.

It wouldn't be long until I had my own breakdown.

I slipped my key into the doorknob and entered my room. It was dark inside, considering it had been late in the afternoon when I went out of the middle school building, but it was soothing nonetheless.

"I'm back," I said while taking off my shoes. There were a few soft thuds approaching me later. I let my lips curl into a smile when I felt a small weight leaning against my left foot. Then I crouched down to gather the rabbit in my arms. "Are you hungry, Usagi?"

It snuggled deeper into my chest.

"Please wait a bit longer," I murmured as I reached for the switch. "I'll turn on the light and—"

"Don't."

The familiar husky voice stopped me from proceeding altogether. It even chased away all the thoughts from my head for a few seconds, until Usagi jumped down to the floor and scurried to the silhouette of my bed. That was when I noticed a lump laying there.

I swallowed thickly. "…Natsume?"

"…Hn."

A wave of relief surged through me.

Natsume came back.

He was finally back.

I wasted no time to stride over to my three stars bed.

Under the dim light of moon which was shining into the room, I could see the outline of his tired form. His black clothes were wrinkled and he had one arm over his face. The black cat mask was neglected on the nightstand. Could it be possible that he just arrived here not too long ago?

"How long have you been here?"

"Not too long," Natsume replied, sounding exhausted. "Probably twenty minutes or so."

I scrutinized his gestures. He almost made no movement, looking completely dead tired. It seemed the mission was really tough that it took all his strength just to accomplish it and return to the academy.

"How was it going?"

"Fine," he grunted. "We encountered him. Twice. Couldn't avoid the fight."

I inhaled sharply. "You know you shouldn't—"

"Ando was with me," he cut me off as he lowered his arm. "It's fine. He understood the battles were inevitable."

Now that there was nothing blocking his face from my view, I saw how pale he was, how much weariness swam in his crimson eyes. The stress lines on his forehead and dark bags under his eyes told me of the rough voyage he had been treading these two weeks, away from the safety academy offered, away from the people he treasured dearly.

But this was his decision. And no one had the right to intervene with it.

If this could satisfy him and put his mind at ease, then I would say nothing to stop him.

I had promised myself I wouldn't burden him more with my worry. I would always support him with all my might.

"Sakura is really worried," I mumbled. "Won't you see her?"

Natsume stared at me for a moment before closing his eyes. "Later." He shifted to a more comfortable position and heaved a long sigh. "I don't want her to see me like this."

"You don't want to see her crying."

"…Hn."

I felt myself smile at his statement. Somehow, it made me happy, to get the exclusive right to see him in his most vulnerable state, to be the person he would consult to if anything happened. The promise we had made three years ago still echoed in my head to this day; that I wanted to be his number one support; that there would be nothing to hide between us anymore.

"When will you see her?" I asked while staring off into the space.

There was no answer.

"Natsume?" I turned to look at him and noticed he had drifted off to sleep. His breath was soft and deep, and his face looked so peaceful. I let out a sigh and smiled at the sleeping figure.

Some things never changed over the years.

Natsume's obstinacy. His protective and sacrificial self.

My wish to be his strength, to carry the burden with him.

And our promise.

They would stay the same; before, now and perhaps in the future.

And there was one more thing, which I sure wouldn't change, at least not in the near future. But he didn't need to know about this.

I watched as Natsume took another breath and exhaled serenely. Then I leaned down and brushed my lips against his forehead. "Sleep tight, Natsume."

It was a secret.

It was just between me and myself.

**-Fin-**


End file.
